Monday, March 21, 2016

Dramatic irony


So recently, i woke up and had this question asked by one of my friend, 

"is it true that we dont need anyone else to help us bcs everyone is so selfish in saving themselves?". 

Like, after you woke up and have that kind of question to be answered, i can't even think what day is today so how could i answer that, so it left hang without blueticks muehehehehe. But here, i, most probably would say yes, because look, the only person that you can depend on is you. Right. Back then i was so fucked up in secondary school, when i first know what's the real depression is, i broke. I'm that kind of person who is really not good in handling emotions. I can change from a fluffy cat to a feral lion. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because, i gave too much hoot, geez. Care is a special attention or effort made to avoid damage, risk or error (source: my thesaurus) but hey, by caring of someone means, u're preparing a damage to yourself. 

Luckily i'm in my very fluffy (hungry) cat mood hahahaha well actually it's not really nice to assume ppl are 'selfish'. Maybe they're too ego to lend a hand when actually they cared about you but they chose not to show. Look if you're playing the 'i do care about ya but i just don't show 'em' game, with one side show the other side don't then the other day that one side don't show the other show weh till when lah doh? main pass pass gitu kau pikir main futsal zz. Just, if you truly care about someone, show. Maybe not too much but at least enough for them to know. It supports them to live. Many commit suicide issues are because they expect that no one gives a fuck when actually there is, but just, they didn't show? pfft then orang dah mati baru kau nak menyesal. For people who can easily lost consideration and do anything to escape/satisfy themselves, it's a major thing to give them the attention. They just need attention. It's not in the term of capub, but they need someone who cares, and gives a fuck about them. I'm saying this because i know that feels when you're lonely and u feel like no one cares and the only person you can think of is your parents just to make your heart calms but facing the society with those handsome/clever guy getting much attention from his friends is not easy. It's the society who kills ya. Even the person you thought you really can rely on, left. That is why in the end, u're the real survivor for survival. Well a fat guy will always be treated like he is disgusting and yekk, i know that feels. I see everything. And i know. It's always us to search/come to people first, unless if they need help from us. 

I'm tired. Well yes, sometimes you have to put yourself first, but.. I don't know, i have a major problem whic i can't decide which is my priority and which should be the low priority, To me, everything is priority, everything deserve to have the attention (exception for homework). So that's why i care about everything till i kill myself. hahahaha everyone is busy with 'love yourself' but instead, i kill myself. I'm just really tired and hackneyed about this bullshit. When you put someone on top of the list but he/she doesn't put ya on the same spot, how would you react? you gotta be broke right, you felt nondescript, so show to ppl that you care and till we meet again, salam.    

Tuesday, March 01, 2016

Nukilan 1


Apa diperlu, cuba dibantu
akan dia mahupun sesiapa
belum sedari, kehadirannya penuh makna
dia tidak mengungkit, apatah lagi meminta minta
dia cuma diam dan semuanya ada di peti itu.

hidup kecilnya bukanlah indah
nian ceritanya lucu belaka, namun itu semua luahannya
melihat dia seakan semuanya bahagia padanya
hakikat itu dia tahu, semuanya ada di peti itu.

sungguh dia mengerti kini erti hidup sebenar di dunia
walau dia tiada sama dengan yang lain, dia cuba
peti itu semakin sarat dan dia tiada mampu
mungkin saat itu dia sedar, sebelumnya hidupnya hidup orang
kala dia cuba memikir, apa kurangnya dia
embun malam membasahi lalang gelap
semuanya masih tersimpan kemas, semuanya ada di peti itu.

detik ini, dia menyedari homo sapiens ini bernafsu
memilih dan melihat, sesuatu yang mendatang untungan
akan begitu dia tiada cara menempuh semuanya
dia terus cari benda yang pasti
lalu dicalit nukilan ini.

➡ andai waktu kecil, hatinya murni membantu orang, tatkala besar dilihat dunia suka menggunakannya, masihkah hatinya murni lagi?