So Long, Not Forgotten

 Assalamualaikum and hello readers!

It's been a hell of a ride. I was hit with a pool of emotions. It was fun. I don't know why every time I feel sad, I feel like writing it all up here. I've been good, been bad too, but most of all, I've been silent. I guess it's just who I am. The purpose of this post, and other previous and incoming posts, is for my future self to see, how was life back then. It is my story, not others to tell. Although I feel sad often, but I find that I don't really talk about my feelings, you know. Just suppressed everything inside, till it dissolves I guess? Or perhaps, explode.

We are all afraid of what's coming next. Yes, we could say we are excited to know what's next, but we shouldn't lie when the emotions was mingled, we do feel afraid. Right now, I don't know, I just feel like wanna throw out words. Ever since primary school, I've been given this 'gift' that I don't know I want it anymore. I couldn't unplug this gift from myself. But, let that story rest first.

Funny how time flies and within a short period of time, we could change to become a person that we never expected to be. One advice that I would tell others is, don't hold yourself. When in a moment you felt like you wanna shout, just do it. When you feel like you wanna laugh, laugh. And, when you feel like you should search for beyond the information you have now, go do it. DO NOT HOLD BACK. Life is just too short to "save for the future". How sure are you that you'll live tomorrow? Or how sure are you that your significant one will be alive tomorrow? Just go do it. Call your parents, study behind your friend, do assignment alone, singing out loud, driving during midnight, telling one your actual feeling, or even baking! Just do it!

Up till this point of this post, I still haven't stated yet on the main thing that I wanna express here. I was about to just keep it inside, but ironically, I just advised people to not holding back. So here goes.. I'm exhausted. Yes, Semester 6 is done, but I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted, socially. I don't like being in a group, I don't like to talk when I don't actually feel like talking, I don't like to get up and sit at living room just to have the "fake-socialize-and-laugh-at-pathetic-not-funny-joke". That is just not me. But guess what? I had to force myself to be in par with the vibe set there, which is very very very tiring. I would appreciate and prefer to have 2 or 3 people to talk with only. I AM OBSERVANT. I do notice everything, and trust me, if in a group of three, I hella distribute my focus to be damn fair to each of us. I miss my Diploma time. But yeah, life goes on. I must continue my steps.

I guess, we'll appreciate the moment once it's gone huh? Adik-adik, cherish every moments that you have now. Life is too short to hate people, explain yourself. And if they judged you and distant themselves, well that's their lost. Set a damn high standard for yourself. You are human too! Your presence is not to just please others? You deserve better. It was tiring to sit behind the transparent curtain, hiding invisibly, and choosing not to talk when all you wanna do is scream the hell out from your chest. Well, Degree's life is ending soon. One more year and that's it. I'll change to the new me. 

Anyway, quick update. Just finished my Final Assessments for Semester 6. It was arghhh and phewww. But honestly, I did quite good this time. Cuma tulah, I figured that this sem cannot score 4 flat lagi dah, sebab koko (Tulisan Jawi) dah tahu markah hahaha. Dapat A-, so memang idok lerr nak dapat 4 flat. Last semester Alhamdulillah 4 flat. Nak maintain CGPA je my goal sekarang, demi mendapatkan pengecualian bayaran pitipitiyen. I know the uncertainty right now has affected millions of people, so please take care and love yourself. Remember, it's okay to scream and let it all out from your chest. Don't hold back. Till we meet again.

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How's everyone doing?

Yo yo yo! Assalamualaikum and haaaii!

Hahahahahha okay pelik gila tetibe nak menaip balik kat blog, yelah dah berhabuk teruk dah blog ni. So my last post was on June 28, 2017! Weh dah dua tahun siot tak update?! Apa dah jadi hahahaha so to my fans (acah) don't worry, alhamdulillah I'm still breathing and sihat walafiat. So perhaps, this post is to recap back what has happened when I went missing. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa I must say that I miss blogging so so so much! Tapi tulah, malas... and ada beberapa komitmen lain hm. So let's start!

2018

January

Alhamdulillah I finished my internship for diploma! Meaning that, itulah pengakhiran hidup diploma aku for two and a half years. Yes! I did my Diploma in Science dekat Universiti Pendidikan Sultan Idris (UPSI) untuk dua tahun setengah! So nak recap sikit time internship. I did my internship at INBIOSIS UKM. INBIOSIS ni stands for Institut Biologi Sistem, or in omputeh orang panggil Institute of Systems Biology. Aaaaaa serious rindu. Rindu makanan-makanan yang ada kat Bangi tuuu :( and of course, rindu suasana lab situ. I had gained so many experiences, and skills dekat sini! So junior-junior yang tengah cari tempat internship, bolehlah try dekat INBIOSIS ni! But during that time, aku sewa rumah and tak apply kolej situ. Plus aku bawak kereta, so takde issue sangat lah. And sini internship tak bergaji yeee.. Sebab aku intern under researcher. Maybe tengok researcher jugak kot, maybe ada yang akan bagi.

Gambar-gambar yang lain dah hilang, hard disk buat hal. Paling best bab makan ah hahahahah sebab UKM ada berbelas kolej tak silap, so kau boleh tukar tukar tempat makan, and Nasi Manggey jugaklah tempat yang paling kerap dikunjungi :') Nasi Manggey ni serious dekat gila dengan UKM, kalau dah keluar UKM tu dalam 3 ke 4 minit camtu boleh sampai dah. So that was how my first month of 2018 ended. Let's go to the next chapter!

February

I BEGIN MY DEGREE LIFE. Hahahaha can you imagine, tak sampai sebulan habis intern dah sambung degree terus?! Alhamdulillah, Allah permudahkan dan percepatkan urusan hidup. Ada beberapa isu tapi alhamdulillah dapat settle. Aaaaannnndddd... here is the interesting part! I choose to pursue Ijazah Sarjana Muda Psikologi dengan Kepujian, at UPSI too! I have to admit, it's hard to start over and have to make new friends, plus batch diploma aku, aku sorang je yang pursue Psikologi, yang lain still sayang science world dorang. But, psychology pun is science jugak kbye hahahaha :P and barulah aku tahu senior blogger kita Zharif Azis pun study psychology dekat UPSI jugak... So he was my senior, but tak pernah bertegur pun sebab yelah dia famous kot and busy, aku ni erm busy menyumbat perut je k. Aku pernah gak gi tengok teater lakonan Zharif ni, memang padu beb. Tak ingat la tajuk apa, tapi dia bawak watak as Indian guy, and accent India dia, fuh mantop! Mahsuri kot tak silap tajuk teater tu. Salute for you bro! (in case la kan dia baca hahahaha). Oh btw I skipped orientation week untuk February intake sebab masuk lambat lol. Well, here I am, staying in UPSI for the next 4 years pulak hehe. UPSI best okay, walaupun awal awal rasa macam dah bosan but, lama lama rasa macam home dah Tanjong Malim ni.

November

Uish laju sangat fast forward ni hahahha takde apa sangat pun dalam tempoh ni. Even aku tak pergi orientasi degree, aku join jadi rakan suai kenal (RSK) untuk new intake students hahahaha and I gained so many new experiences as well! Yelah sebab masa diploma jenis yang 3K (kuliah, kolej, kafe) je. So dah masuk degree ni memang nak aktif la niatnya. I learnt how to deal with pegawai, I learnt so many procedures, memang serious penat gila la. Masa tu jadi RSK untuk intake September, and during that time UPSI ambik intake terbanyak dalam sejarah pengambilan pelajar UPSI hahahah nak cecah 3000 orang masa tu fuh senak woi! Then jadi rakan PESKON (Pesta Konvokesyen) pulak. Haaaaa ni pun best jugak ni. Sebab aku jadi AJK untuk PESKON 20, at the same time..... aku konvo jugak! hahahahaha memang buat hal betul. But alhamdulillah, sebab aku konvo sehari je kan, jadi PESKON ni 2 minggu bekerja :') So aku cuti masa hari aku konvo tu jelah. Gambar konvo boleh tengok dekat IG eh hahahah malas nak upload sini. Oh aku konvo untuk diploma aku tau time ni.

Feeling masa convo memang best. Dapat jumpa balik dengan member member lama after a year. Haih, entah bila dapat jumpa dorang balik. Oh and, ingat eh, masa convocation day tu PRIORITIZE YOUR PARENTS dulu k. Jangan nak over sangat dengan member member sampai lupa family. This is their day too. They worked hard and raised you sufficiently sampai kau boleh graduate. So please, masa convocation ingat mak ayah, thank them! Bagi dorang pakai jugak jubah konvo kau tu, happykan dorang! (emo jap). Sebab kat twitter masa ni kecoh dengan gambar parents terkontang kanting tak tahu anak pergi mana time convo haih. I miss convocation day, memang best sangat feeling masa naik pentas tu arghhh rindu pulak :')

Oh oh masa ni jugak aku dah semester 2. Memang BUSY GILA sem ni hahahaha sebab aku join RSK and PESKON, then aku jugak secara tak sengaja (eceh) terjoin Persatuan Psikologi kat sini hehehe under Exco Dana dan Keusahawanan. Sekali lagi kawan-kawan, terus terang saya katakan, I learnt a lot of new things! Even dah 3 tahun kat UPSI masa ni, but still banyak benda baru belajar bila join Psychological Students Association sini. Belajar camne nak deal sesama committee, dengan students, dengan lecturer, dengan pegawai-pegawai dekat HEPA, belajar cara-cara nak tempah bilik, buat program, jemput orang luar etc serious banyak lagi but idk why I feel like aku rush sangat nak habiskan type post ni hahahaha. And.. masa sem ni jugak, result aku jatuh sangat... Aku a bit frust ah sebab PNGK ni dahlah payah nak naik, turun laju je. Aku nak dapat first class degree so aku boleh skip bayar PTPTN. Doakan kejayaan aku dan rakan-rakan yang lain ye :')

2019

May

Takde apa sangat pun hahahaha tapi aku ingat bulan ni sebab time ni bulan puasa.. and aku jadi pengarah program siottt xD untuk program iftar dengan psychology students and lecturer. Again, I gained so much! Handle catering, pinjam instruments, book bilik, mintak sponsor dari MPP semua fuh banyak lagi la and alhamdulillah everything went well! 

Now

And now, here I am. Aku rasa, aku dah makin matang kot untuk interact dengan orang(?). But at the same time, aku pun rasa yang aku makin tak matang jugak hahahaha but no worries, I'm happy. I'm truly happy sangat sangat sebab Allah atur cantik perjalanan hidup aku. Alhamdulillah. I met so many people, yang stay ada yang pergi pun ada. Bersyukur sangat ada environment yang supportive and positive, isu isu kecik kecik tu biasalah kan. Tapi makin meningkat usia ni, aku rasa macam isu isu yang timbul ni sebab ketidakmatangan kita sendiri. Ada ke perkataan ketidakmatangan tu hahahaha bantai jelah. Aku ada baca post-post aku yang lama lama, dahsyat kan aku dulu? Kesian gak ah aku kat aku yang dulu but now, aku nak diri aku happy! Apa nak jadi sekeliling jadilah as long as aku happy! 

p/s: Result Sem 3 dah keluar haritu, alhamdulillah PNGK naik fuh slow slow kayuh!

Update: Patutlah aku rush sangat nak update post ni, instinct aku betul siot something was going to happen. Laptop aku damage teruk masa type post ni T.T aku type post ni dua minggu lepas. Sekarang baru dapat post sebab baru dapat balik laptop hm..

Anyway that is all for now, see you guys in another post!

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Ainul Mardhiah

Assalamualaikum & Selamat Hari Raya!

Last post 1 Mac, lamanya tak main blog ni. dah berkarat dah nak main coding coding, nak tengok tutorial, banyak blog yang dah tutup, blog blog yang selalu aku ziarah dulu banyak dah takde haih sedihnya hahaha. anyway, selamat hari raya semua, harini dah 4 syawal, puasa sunat enam hari jangan lupa! Tadi aku ada baca satu artikel ni tentang Ainul Mardhiah.. kita semua tahu siapa itu Ainul Mardhiah kan? btw, artikel ni aku baca dekat sini. So aku nak kongsikan sikit dari artikel tu.

Siapakah Ainul Mardhiah?

Ainul Mardhiah dari segi bahasa bermaksud mata yang diredhai yakni bererti setiap pandangan yang melihatnya pasti akan menemukan keredhaan di hati. SubhanAllah dari segi maksud pun dah sejuk kan baca.. Diceritakan Ainul Mardhiah ini bidadari paling cantik dan sedang menantikan suaminya di syurga iaitu para solihin di dunia. Ainul Mardhiah adalah seorang bidadari yang paling cantik di surga yang Allah ciptakan untuk sesiapa yang mati syahid berjuang di jalan Allah [sumber]. Aku sebenarnya takut nak berkongsi bab bab agama ni sebab takut sumber tak sahih, unless aku betul yakin sahih baru confident nak share.

Usaha untuk ke syurga

Tidak kira sama ada lelaki mahupun perempuan, semua kita berimpian mahu masuk ke syurga. Namun kita selalu terfikir, “layakkah aku?”. Sedangkan jauh di sudut hati, kita amat takutkan azab api neraka. Insya-Allah dengan rahmat-Nya, pasti kita akan dapat masuk ke syurga. Sambil itu teruskan berbuat yang Allah suruh dan meninggalkan yang dilarang serta jangan berhenti untuk berdoa dan meminta yang terbaik untuk diri, ahli keluarga dan semua orang. Yang bulat tidak datang bergolek, yang pipih tidak datang melayang. Impian takkan dapat jika sekadar menjadi mimpi. Antara usaha yang dilakukan untuk terus istiqamah dalam menjadi hamba-Nya yang taat selain memelihara ibadah dan hubungan dengan Allah adalah menjaga juga hubungan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain. 

Suka saya nak tekankan bahawa penulis artikel ini menyatakan supaya kita menjaga hubungan dengan manusia dan juga makhluk lain. Makhluk lain yang dimaksudkan itu termasuklah haiwan, tumbuh-tumbuhan dan juga alam sekeliling kita. Bermaksud di sini, sungguh kita tak suka kucing ke arnab ke, janganlah sampai memaki hamun binatang tersebut. Sungguh tak suka lalang lalang yang tinggi tumbuh tu, janganlah dicaci, buang elok elok. Tak perlu pun kata kata kesat ni kan kan kan.

Bagaimana jika seseorang perempuan mahu masuk ke syurga?

Rasulullah SAW bersabda yang bermaksud: “Apabila seseorang wanita melakukan solat lima waktu, puasa di bulan Ramadan, memelihara maruahnya, dan taat akan suaminya, maka masuklah mana-mana pintu syurga yang kamu kehendaki.” (Riwayat Ahmad)

Jelas di sini untuk memperoleh syurga Allah, seorang wanita itu harus menjaga ibadahnya dan taat pada suaminya (selagi perkara tersebut tidak bertentangan dengan ajaran islam). Ada harinya mungkin kita penat, rasa marah ataupun sedih, namun dengan istighfar dan bersederhana serta memperbaiki amalan, insya-Allah kita akan lebih tenang dan dipermudahkan. Yakinlah, dalam setiap ujian, pasti akan ada jalan.

Okay jadi secara ringkasnya, antara perkara utama yang perlu para wanita amalkan dan ingat untuk menjadi seorang yang solehah dan insyaAllah mendapat ganjaran syurga ialah;

1. Solat lima waktu
2. Berpuasa di bulan Ramadan
3. Memelihara maruah
4. Taat akan suami

Wallahua'lam. Siapa kita untuk tentukan pahala dosa orang, syurga neraka orang kan? :)

Dan lelaki yang bagaimana akan masuk ke syurga?

“Sesungguhnya orang-orang lelaki yang Islam serta orang-orang perempuan yang Islam, dan orang-orang lelaki yang beriman serta orang-orang perempuan yang beriman, dan orang-orang lelaki yang taat serta orang-orang perempuan yang taat, dan orang-orang lelaki yang benar serta orang-orang perempuan yang benar, dan orang-orang lelaki yang sabar serta orang-orang perempuan yang sabar,

dan orang-orang lelaki yang merendah diri (kepada Allah) serta orang-orang perempuan yang merendah diri (kepada Allah), dan orang-orang lelaki yang bersedekah serta orang-orang perempuan yang bersedekah, dan orang-orang lelaki yang berpuasa serta orang-orang perempuan yang berpuasa,

dan orang-orang lelaki yang memelihara kehormatannya serta orang-orang perempuan yang memelihara kehormatannya, dan orang-orang lelaki yang menyebut nama Allah banyak-banyak serta orang-orang perempuan yang menyebut nama Allah banyak-banyak, Allah telah menyediakan bagi mereka semuanya keampunan dan pahala yang besar.” (Surah al-Ahzab: ayat 35)

Secara ringkasnya, ayat ini bermaksud, jika seseorang (lelaki dan perempuan) itu bertingkah sedemikian, insyaAllah akan mendapat ganjaran yang besar yakni keampunan serta syurga.

1. Islam
2. Beriman
3. Taat
4. Benar
5. Sabar
6. Merendah diri kepada Allah
7. Suka bersedekah
8. Berpuasa
9. Memelihara kehormatannya
10. Banyak menyebut nama Allah

Sebagai khalifah (pemimpin) di atas muka bumi ini, tanggungjawab lelaki bukanlah kecil, namun berbekalkan sifat amanah, ikhlas dan taat kepada Allah, pastinya banyak perkara yang dapat dicapai sama ada kejayaan di dunia mahupun di akhirat sana. Jadi buatlah perkara yang disukai Allah.

Ayuh kawan

Tiada apa yang mustahil jika Allah sudah berkehendakkan. Kita masuk ke syurga pun atas rahmat Dia. Jadi janganlah putus asa. Tidak ada sebab untuk kita berhenti berharap. Namun, usaha dan doa haruslah seiring. Jika kita sedar kita ada kekurangan, jangan takut untuk terus membuat penambahbaikan. Kemaafan Tuhan tidak sama dengan kemaafan insan. Jadi jangan risau jika dosa sebesar lautan, Dia tetap akan ampunkan. Namun risaulah jika kita tidak mendapat hidayah untuk berdoa dan berusaha menjadi hamba-Nya yang soleh dan solehah.

Untuk lelaki, teruslah berjuang menjadi pahlawan menuju ke syurga Allah. Dan untuk semua wanita, selamat berjuang dalam usaha menjadi Ainul Mardhiah! Insya-Allah. Jom terus berbuat kebaikan!

“Dalam satu hadis riwayat Anas bin Malik r.a: Ada seorang Arab Badwi bertanya kepada Rasulullah SAW : Bilakah kiamat itu tiba? Rasulullah bersabda: Apa yang telah kamu persiapkan untuk itu. Lelaki itu menjawab: Cinta Allah dan Rasul-Nya. Rasulullah menjawab: Kamu akan bersama orang yang kamu cintai.” (Hadis Riwayat Muslim, No. 4775)

Sebab itu pentingnya untuk ada sahabat yang sentiasa mengingatkan kita kepada Allah, pentingnya ada sahabat yang akan bersama sama berjuang dengan kita untuk mendapatkan syurga Allah. masih mencari huhuhu.

Harap bermanfaat. Selamat hari raya aidilfitri! Mohon maaf andai ada salah silap :)

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Dengarkan aku

Salam kepada seluruh penduduk alam semesta! (acah giant)
Oh last update bulan Oktober 2016 ek, so selamat tahun baru! hahaha harini masuklah hari pertama untuk bulan Mac, dan terus terang, setiap tahun, bulan Mac ialah bulan yang paling aku nanti nantikan. banyak benda yang menarik berlaku bila masuk Mac ni. Tapi, tahun ni lain. Hati aku, tawar..

Hahahaha apahal ni en haa haa..

Pernah tak, korang kenal dengan someone, rapat, buat benda semua sekali, papehal dia tu jelah member yang kau cari, suddenly one day dia berubah. mungkin sebab dah bosan dengan kau dia mula jauhkan diri, dan kau semakin dilupakan. Hahaha mesti pernah rasa kan. cuma, aku tak faham aturan Tuhan. tak tipu memang selalu aku persoalkan. kenapa mesti aku? kenapa aku yang kena rasa ditinggalkan ni sejak kecik lagi? dosa mana aku buat sampai hati aku dicincang lumat dari kecik tapi tak lali lali dengan rasa pedih ni? dan aku, tak tipu jugak. yelah, bila hati dah sakit, kepala dah serabut, iman memang berbolak balik. tambah lagi bila kena rasa semua ni sendiri.. yelah member yang kau share share cerita cerita selalu tu dah pergi kan, dengan sape lagi kau nak mengadu. ye, aku mengadu pada Tuhan. saat diri ni membuak rasa marah tu, ya Allah.. Allah jelah tahu apa yang riuh sesak dalam hati aku. aku pelik gak, kenapa angkara satu manusia, kita jadi.. lost. sedi memang sedih, tak tipu, tapi kena gak la kuatkan..

It's not that i don't want to be in a group or making friends, but i lost myself. i was very cheerful back then, till i lose people and then i became so introvert.. then after some time, i'm back. then i lose people again, i became my introvert self then time heals me. i admit that i'm kind of different, i talk nonsense, boring and weird. but i can blend in if people welcome me. i always need support, but then i learnt then to hope for people is either to kill yourself or heal yourself.

betul kata kau mir, hati manusia ni berubah-ubah. sebab aku terlalu percayakan orang, aku jadi macam ni. hari hari aku soalkan aturan Allah, sampai satu tahap aku rasa seakan-akan ditampar dengan bertambahnya bebanan dan dugaan. Aku tahu, ujian Engkau ini tanda kecintaanMu. aku berserah ya Allah, kalau dulu aku selalu doa supaya orang itu orang ini kekal dalam hidupku, tapi Engkau tetap jauhkan kami, aku doakan agar kami akrab semula, Engkau akrabkan seketika kemudian Engkau renggangkan kami semula. Ya Allah Engkau tahu apa yang terbaik untukku. Dengan izinMu ya Allah, aku mohon, lindungilah keluargaku, lindungilah sahabat-sahabatku, dan lindungilah saudara-saudara seIslamku. Jauhkan kami dari melakukan maksiat dan kukuhkan iman kami.

Bila berdoa, amalkanlah untuk mendoakan orang lain juga.. sebab, benda baik kita buat insyaAllah baik balasannya. tapi ikhlas tu kenalah ada, jangan harap balasan semata-mata. dan untuk sahabatku yang waktu dulu bagai isi dengan kuku masa sem satu, saat nanti bila kau sesat, jangan kau bimbang aku usung kembali ke sini. saat nanti bila kau rasa sendiri, jangan bimbang aku masih ada di sini. saat nanti bila kau rasa duka yang dalam, jangan sedih aku ada menghulur bahu.. ketahuilah aku tak pernah lari dari sisimu.

haih, walau hati ini hancur remuk berkecai redam pecah berderai sebabkan orang, aku pilih untuk diam. dari aku bicara, dan bawa sengketa, baik aku diam dan telan semua. semoga kita semua kuat dan sentiasa kuat untuk orang yang kita sayangi. hari berganti hari, aku cuba untuk menjadi yang lebih baik, lebih matang, tapi sering dipijak kebawah. ye, memang aku hamba yang penuh dengan dosa, dan aku tak pelik kenapa semua ini terjadi. sebab aku tau, memang di dunia ni lah tempatnya untuk merasa lelah, letih, penat, perit dan segala, kerna nanti, yang kekal abadi hanyalah di sana.

hahahah bongok ah petang petang gini nak emo en. takdelah kadang kita simpan simpan simpan mana tahan, ada had ada limit, so kadang kadang kenalah gak luahkan apa yang tersimpan ni.. cuma tak tahu kat mana je hahaha kay adios amigos bolos!

Take care,

final mula 7 mac, doakan ye :)
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Jangan terlalu ikut perasaan

Salam kepada seluruh penduduk Bumi! (acah raksasa)
Haha mood elok sikit sebab tengah hujan, lepastu baru lepas drive. Tak tahulah but aku rasa macam aahh.... kalau drive dalam hujan. rasa macam entah rasa lega camtu rasa macam kentut kau tahan tiga minggu akhirnya akur untuk menonjolkan dirinya. Tapi tadi jalan takde ah teroxx sangat jam tu best, aku ni jenis rabun malam so bila hujan tu entah nampak entah tidak tapi still, drive dalam hujan best!

Jangan terlalu ikut perasaan!
Entri kali ni lebih kepada, pengawalan emosi ye anak-anak. Normal kalau dalam sehari tu ada je benda yang buat kita rasa tak senang, sebab kita semua ada perasaan. Lainlah kalau emotionless, bosan hidup gitu huhuhu. Kadang tu kita tengah duduk tenang tenang dengar lagu, tengok drama, secara tiba tiba tanpa diduga mak kau suruh kau keluar beli santan dengan suara yang memang sangat memerlukan santan! situasi menjadi tegang apabila kau membalas "alaah mak ni haish.." lepastu mak kau pun kata "copeklah ha! kang hangit ayam tu!". Ada dua pilihan, sama ada kau pergi beli atau tak. Katakan kau pergi beli, kau tetap gak dengan mulut tu nak ngomel sana ngomel sini hahahaha. kalau kau tak nak pergi beli, sama ada kau akan diam je buat tak dengar je atau pun kau melawan. jangan, jangan dilawan, jangan nak ngomel kuat kuat sebab apa, sebab kau tu macamlah selama ni function sangat kan sampai baru disuruh sikit dah acah primadona tengah panas bising sana bising sini ergh. Fikir, sebelum kita lafazkan any words, fikir apa akan jadi kalau kita cakap macam ni, apa jadi kalau cakap macam tu. Sebab apa, sebab menyesal tu ialah satu perasaan yang bagi aku memang untuk orang yang tamak tapi rugi ah, macam aku. dan semua. kenapa tercetusnya perasaan menyesal ni, tak lain sebab dari rasa tamak dan ego yang menggelegak-legak dalam halaman hati diri sendiri yang hanya mementingkan diri semata-mata.

Contoh, rasa tamak ni bukan bila takat makan je, contohnya macam tadi tulah. kau refuse apa yang mak kau suruh sebab kau dah khayal dah syok sangat tengok mv takpun anime, ataupun kau memang tengah malas gila. Malas tapi tak buat apa mak suruh pun dikira tamak gak, tamakkan kesenangan. kau nak kau je senang, padahal mak kau berkeringat masak tu ha, untuk bagi kau kenyang jugak. pls jangan selfish bila dengan family, takyah nak berkira sangat, dengan siapa lagi kau nak curahkan kasih sayang dan bakti kau, setakat beli santan je pun. Sebelum nak lawan apa mak cakap tu, ingatlah yang lidah tiga inci boleh membunuh manusia tinggi enam inci. Ngomel-ngomel tu biasalah, tapi kawallah, diam je, walau malas macam mana pun, walau geram, walau penat, walau marah macam mana sekali pun, diam je. Apalah sakit pendam rasa geram tu compare dengan sakit nak keluarkan kau dari perut, bela kau, cari duit nak bagi kau sedap nyonyot susu.

Berdiam itu lebih baik!
Ayat ni mungkin klise dan bila kau baca pun kau mungkin tak ada rasa apa apa. Selalu kan dengar orang kata "better keep then tell" tak pun "if you tell how do you feel no one would really care" takpun tweet yang saing saing gitu la. Sebenarnya point dia, bukan orang tu tak kisah ke apa, kadang benda kita luah tu, kita tak sedar yang orang tu pun terluka sebab dengar benda kita luah tu. Contoh, kau luah kat orang tu kau rasa macam dipergunakan lah kau ni dicari bila time susah lah apa lah bla bla bla weh kau sedar tak amende kau buat? Kau sesuka tuli je cakap, kau pikir tak orang tu rasa macam mana? Lepastu kau expect a response, takpun kau expect orang tu akan apologize, memang tak ah. Ingat pls, semua benda berlaku ada sebab. Memanglah kau pun rasa sakit sebab rasa macam kena ignore neglected semua, but tak bermakna kau boleh hempas pam! centu je dekat orang tu. katakan kau dah cakap benda benda kau geram semua, okay then now what? kau expect orang tu akan rapat dengan kau balik lalu kalian pun menjalani kisah bahagia bersama-sama like wth? Even if it did happen, the feelings would never be the same. Apa main point aku kat sini, meluahkan dekat orang tu bukanlah cara yang bernas dan bijak, tapi nampak macam desperate sikit ah. Boleh kalau kau nak luahkan but pls not in an emotional way, or not with tears and hingus pls. Dalam masa gelak-gelak gurau-gurau tu ha apa lagi kau baling ah satu! "Hahahahha yelah aku pun sekarang gi kebun jalan sorang je" walaupun nampak macam tak masuk kan, tapi benda tak masuk ni orang akan ingat tau, sebab statement kau tu macam takde kena mengena. Lepastu dia akan pikir tau tau tau. dia akan pikir pikir pikir dan dia akan paham gak. Kalau tak jadi jugak! kau ws dia "rindu" gitu ha konpom dapat maki sekali hahaha maki tu kan tanda sayang lol. Takpun jadi macam aku, tulis je segala kat blog, lepastu bukak tumblr reblog gambar gambar  hahhaha. After all, jalan yang paling tough and what most people with high-level-sabr do is, diam. Sebab dia tahu yang Allah tahu apa dia rasa. dan apa dia rasa tu pun dia tahu Allah yang bagi. mungkin sebab sebelum sebelum ni kita pun ada gak ignore kengkawan tapi kita tak sedar sebab kawan tu pun diam je. Even some may say that communication won't pop out that way, but you know the best. Lain orang lain cara dia handle kan. Cuma ingatlah kuasa Allah tu tiada tandingannya.

Sacrifice yourself. selalu kan dengar "pelangi muncul selepas hujan lebat" hm teringat drive dalam hujan tadi lol kay. Tak salah pendam and doa, sebab bila kita pendam tu, rasa sakit kan. tapi bila sekali bahagia tu datang peh masyaAllah rasa berbaloi rasa bersyukur sangat kau berada dalam situasi sakitnya pendam rasa sebelum tu. Saat bahagia tu datang, sambutlah dengan sederhana, sebab duka pasti tiba selepas bahagia. so takyah nak over sangat. takde benda yang kekal. nothing lasts forever gitu. Aku ni pun kadang memang tersetan sana sini tapi normal lah kan, semua macam tu, kadang bila suka sangat ha bantai nasi 3 pinggan gunung kinabalu. hahahaha tapi lepastu istighfar lah, cepatlah sedar balik yang bahagia tu pun tak kekal lama. Kita sama-sama ubah diri jadi lagi baik ye hm ustard ustard angat.

Aku cuma share pandangan aku or apa yang aku rasa, if kau rasa kau ada pendapat lain komen je takdehal lah 8)

Di sini ada hadis sikit tentang sabar;

Kesabaran merupakan anugerah Allah yang paling baik. Rasulullah mengatakan, “…dan tidaklah seseorang itu diberi sesuatu yang lebih baik dan lebih lapang daripada kesabaran.”
[Hadis Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim]

Rasulullah SAW menggambarkan dalam sebuah hadisnya; Daripada Abu Hurairah ra. bahawa Rasulullah SAW pernah bersabda; “Tidaklah seorang muslim mendapatkan kelelahan, sakit, kecemasan, kesedihan, bahaya dan juga kesusahan, hingga duri yang menusuknya, melainkan Allah akan menghapuskan dosa-dosanya dengan hal tersebut”.
[Hadis Riwayat Bukhari & Muslim]

Sungguh menakjubkan perkara orang yang beriman, kerana segala perkaranya adalah baik. Jika ia mendapatkan kenikmatan, ia bersyukur kerana (ia mengatahui) bahawa hal tersebut adalah memang baik baginya. Dan jika ia tertimpa musibah atau kesulitan, ia bersabar kerana (ia mengetahui) bahawa hal tersebut adalah baik baginya.
[Hadis Riwayat Muslim]

Source

P/S: Result final haritu dah keluar grr sem depan nak study awal! (mungkin pembohongan)

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When you prioritize others

Assalamualaikum.
Well for sure, this one gonna be another emotional post from lost-souled man. I'm not ask for more, just why did people change? I didn't ask for it and perhaps, so do you. How can you just forget all the memories we had, while those things you did with others are still fresh in your mind. Is it fair? when i'm the one who prioritize you. and you do know that. and even i TOLD YOU AND YOU KNOW IT TOOK GUTS TO DO THAT. why..

we were so close. so close till we still can go walk for hours without talking, and feels no awkward at all. and no gap. and everything was just fine. i have to admit i miss those. the old you. the old us. i know, for now, i can do nothing and i can't change anything. you seem so comfort with another person, and i can't stop that, right? because who am i.. to grab your attention and make it all mine. while you gained all from mine. i tried not to think about this, like every single day.  but no, being me is just, so complicated.

please remember that i was the one who you relied on, who you tell ALL your stories, the one who you will search for when you need something, the one who you will laugh with when you read our conversaition, the one who you really cared once... this is tough, just tough. i can't. because i'm still there, at those times when everything's fine. PLS DO REALISE ALL THOSE MEMORIES AND THINGS WE DID,  MY TRULY WISH. and you seem prioritize others rather than me. well that hurts but what can i do then? i can't...

bring back the old me. bring back the memories. bring back the time... i wish

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They say time will heal ya

Assalamualaikum.

i've always wanted to tell everything, and exactly on how do i really feel inside. but, one thing that i'm really sure is, it's impossible. Why? because there is no word that could exactly describe how do you feel. i've been through a lot. and same goes to everyone. but for a person who is weak and stick in the mud like me, life's rough. even we do have words to tell how do we really feel, it's still, impossible. because we can't! we don't have the guts to say those words. we are afraid. afraid of any consequences that we'll get from that person. why the one who you prioritizes, can't treat you the same way? i mean, yea, i can't force people to take care of me etc. but. to face the fact that the one who we prioritize, is priotizing others more than you. you know how it feels to be needed, right. i just missed old times. where there's only us and no hard feelings and no 'anasir' who wants to join us. like hey, i'm an introvert. i rather work in very small group of 3 or 4, or i'll work alone. my life's here? as long i still have that one bestfriend who would never give up on me, i'll be okay. eventhough, it's hard, to know that, i'm not the priority of my priority. why? am i not deserving all that..

no pictures in this post since i'm using my phone to write this. sigh. i just, why, you know exactly how hurt it is, seeing the one who you prioritize, prioritizes others more.. it's just, unfair. i've been holding my horses, holding my grudge, for a lot of time, and for so long, but in the end i always have a think, 'does it really worth?' so i'm trying to tell and explain INDIRECTLY but idk it's getting more tiring since i tried so hard. i shouldn't even have to try hard to keep you, bcs, if you do need me you'll come. but turns out, i'm the pathetic. i'm the one who is needing instead of needed. so ppl don't really care if i go, or if i walk away because it will not change anything. i'm trying to be nice to everyone, includes to those who i really hate. turns out im hating them even more. im seriously dont know how this life works. if FAIR does exists, why am i always be the one who needs to back off? can't i have a happy great life ahead? i can't.. i don't want to lose ppl who i had so much times with, anymore..... it cuts the veins that enclosed the heart of mine. it hurts.

sometimes i might lose control but idk seeing you having fun while i'm in blue, seeing you choose others rather than me, noticing that you're more excited talking with others (including the ones i hate) rather than me.. it's just painful. like how can i stay fine if i have to face those EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY?! i'm a pathetic.

and time will not heal ya. it all back to yourself. if you want, you'll make a way to do it. if i'm important, you'll make a time for me. you'll look upon me first rather than others. u have no idea what's inside my head. i told you, i SEE everything. i'm out..
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"Loner!", Miss D (again)

Assalamualaikum.
Nak payung satu post from akak blogger feveret ni, related bangett.
Still takleh move on dengan vocab & english dia yang bergetar tulang peha baca.

Loner!
When people call me a loner with a negative connotation in their voice, I just smirk.
I was one of them too once. It's scary to not be seen with a pack. People jump to conclusions but most of it is: "that's just sad". Person eating alone? Sad. Going out alone? Pathetic. It's because no one wants to hang out with them. Bla bla bla.

And then I realised semua benda ni is their internal insecurities being imposed upon others. You are the one who's scared to be seen out alone, to go have a nice lunch by yourself, to enjoy a movie with no one else.YOU are the one who is insecure with doing anything on your own. Who's the coward, actually?So, get your head checked before you judge a person by saying "loner!" negatively.

Some of y'all can't even function if you don't have friends there. That is pathetic. And when people joke about the "lone wolf" thing and tease. OH MY GOD. I get so enraged. Don't use that analogy please, you rile me up and make me want to punch you in the face. I hate bullying. I fucking hate it.

The thing is, fair enough that some people love being with their friends and some prefer being alone. Tu je. It's a matter of preference and choice. The thing that disgusts me the most is when you feel the need to shame others just because they do things differently than how you would. So kau tak payah nak judge loners and introverts for being the way they are. They have the strength and inward focus to enjoy their lives without necessarily needing the presence of others all the time.

Setting time aside to do things on your own? I would recommend this 100%. Kalau kau insecure, it's okay, you'll get through this. But here's why I think it's a problem: you're not even comfortable enough to be in your own skin for an hour. Some can't even sit still in their room without feeling uncomfortable or bored of their own presence. Fair enough, sometimes memang boring pun duduk dalam bilik tak buat apa-apa. But sampai you feel uncomfortable to be left alone with your own thoughts? – That's when you know you have a problem.

Realise and reassess the fact that you can't even enjoy your own company.
You don't even want to hangout with yourself. What the fuck?
Do you even realise how messed up that is that you're not comfortable to be in your own skin?

No, I'm not lumping every person who is not a lone wolf together. This post specifically targets jackasses who think they are better than others and those who love to judge others who enjoy doing things on your own. I get that sometimes you may feel sorry for an old man in the restaurant having dinner on his own. But that's different. Whenever I feel sad for strangers like that it's because I envisioned their spouse to have left them for a better place or something like that. Or sometimes you can just feel their sadness from the next table. Maybe they just got dumped, or maybe they're just tired and had another rough day after a string rough days. Senang cerita: mind your own bloody business and don't jump to conclusions about why people are out alone, okay?

I'm saying this is for the people who make fun of others whereas those people being made fun of are the brave ones doing whatever it is that they themselves are too scared to do.

So yes. I smirk. Check yourself before you decide to talk smack about other people's lives.

And yeah, it took a lot of self-reflection for me to realise that it is okay to do things on your own.

On a side note: I really don't want to be the people that I hate. I don't want to be a judgy jerk. I don't want to act all holier-than-thou as If I'm a saint that has done it all. I don't want to be hurtful to others just because they do things differently than the way I do. I realise I am no angel and I don't pretend to be one. But.. I'm still trying too. Always trying. To be more kind and compassionate, to be more loving. To be at peace with myself first and foremost and consequently, be at peace with others.

And if you've at least realised the work that needs to be done now, that's when you know you can make a start and change towards being better. Know that it is never too late to be what you might have been.

Here's a really good article on this and I suggest you read it whether you're the loner being teased or you're the good-for-nothing oppressor that makes fun of people who do things alone:
The Stigma of Being Alone

“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.” – Diane Von Furstenberg

So yeah, don't feel bad if you're a lone wolf. Don't feel bad for me because I do things alone.
Don't feel bad if you are a jerk who judges lone wolves. Jk, do feel bad and I hope you choke on it lol. But seriously though, if you've read this and decided to change the way you think, then good for you. People may be different than you but that doesn't necessarily mean that either is bad. If you realise you're a jerk, it's not too late to change. Haha.
All in all, be yourself but always strive to be the best version of this self, and don't be an ass to others.
Take care.

A worth reading post, worth visit blog. Kalau tak jelas tekan title Loner! tu. Or click HERE.
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Tremor on me

Assalamualaikum.

I tried to escape from everything. Well still there's a tiny line between escape and run. I didn't run, i just, try to escape. I drag myself into thing i've never done before like exercising (dafaq?), stick to my phone, play online games, and express everything on social media. Once i've been said as social awkward guy, like i'm different, i don't know how to mix around and blend in with people. in fact, i can't stand in a really crowded full of scream environment. plus, i really sucks in making conversation or keep the conversation going so that's why i didn't feel weird when someone says 'you're boring' because ya i feel the same exact way. I don't know how to change me but being me is like i guess could be a disaster to anyone.. even i felt that often.

Days by days i slowly could think that maybe i should stop overthink everything and just go with the flow. if people really want to stay, they will. If don't then that's it, you're lonely. Maybe it was me, i trust people too much till i broke and no one's ever willing to lend a hand. well that's fine by me because looking back and seeing the journey of my life, phew, i'm so used to it. But ya, everyone's have their own past.. just never bring it up to win over arguments or discussion. It's an embarrassment. Whatever it is, i'm always here, if you need someone to lend a hand, text me. If you need a shoulder to cry on, call me, bro. Have a nice day amigo!
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Dramatic irony

Assalamualaikum.

So recently, i woke up and had this question asked by one of my friend, 

"is it true that we dont need anyone else to help us bcs everyone is so selfish in saving themselves?". 

Like, after you woke up and have that kind of question to be answered, i can't even think what day is today so how could i answer that, so it left hang without blueticks muehehehehe. But here, i, most probably would say yes, because look, the only person that you can depend on is you. Right. Back then i was so fucked up in secondary school, when i first know what's the real depression is, i broke. I'm that kind of person who is really not good in handling emotions. I can change from a fluffy cat to a feral lion. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because, i gave too much hoot, geez. Care is a special attention or effort made to avoid damage, risk or error (source: my thesaurus) but hey, by caring of someone means, u're preparing a damage to yourself. 

Luckily i'm in my very fluffy (hungry) cat mood hahahaha well actually it's not really nice to assume ppl are 'selfish'. Maybe they're too ego to lend a hand when actually they cared about you but they chose not to show. Look if you're playing the 'i do care about ya but i just don't show 'em' game, with one side show the other side don't then the other day that one side don't show the other show weh till when lah doh? main pass pass gitu kau pikir main futsal zz. Just, if you truly care about someone, show. Maybe not too much but at least enough for them to know. It supports them to live. Many commit suicide issues are because they expect that no one gives a fuck when actually there is, but just, they didn't show? pfft then orang dah mati baru kau nak menyesal. For people who can easily lost consideration and do anything to escape/satisfy themselves, it's a major thing to give them the attention. They just need attention. It's not in the term of capub, but they need someone who cares, and gives a fuck about them. I'm saying this because i know that feels when you're lonely and u feel like no one cares and the only person you can think of is your parents just to make your heart calms but facing the society with those handsome/clever guy getting much attention from his friends is not easy. It's the society who kills ya. Even the person you thought you really can rely on, left. That is why in the end, u're the real survivor for survival. Well a fat guy will always be treated like he is disgusting and yekk, i know that feels. I see everything. And i know. It's always us to search/come to people first, unless if they need help from us. 

I'm tired. Well yes, sometimes you have to put yourself first, but.. I don't know, i have a major problem whic i can't decide which is my priority and which should be the low priority, To me, everything is priority, everything deserve to have the attention (exception for homework). So that's why i care about everything till i kill myself. hahahaha everyone is busy with 'love yourself' but instead, i kill myself. I'm just really tired and hackneyed about this bullshit. When you put someone on top of the list but he/she doesn't put ya on the same spot, how would you react? you gotta be broke right, you felt nondescript, so show to ppl that you care and till we meet again, salam.    

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Nukilan 1

Assalamualaikum.

Apa diperlu, cuba dibantu
akan dia mahupun sesiapa
belum sedari, kehadirannya penuh makna
dia tidak mengungkit, apatah lagi meminta minta
dia cuma diam dan semuanya ada di peti itu.

hidup kecilnya bukanlah indah
nian ceritanya lucu belaka, namun itu semua luahannya
melihat dia seakan semuanya bahagia padanya
hakikat itu dia tahu, semuanya ada di peti itu.

sungguh dia mengerti kini erti hidup sebenar di dunia
walau dia tiada sama dengan yang lain, dia cuba
peti itu semakin sarat dan dia tiada mampu
mungkin saat itu dia sedar, sebelumnya hidupnya hidup orang
kala dia cuba memikir, apa kurangnya dia
embun malam membasahi lalang gelap
semuanya masih tersimpan kemas, semuanya ada di peti itu.

detik ini, dia menyedari homo sapiens ini bernafsu
memilih dan melihat, sesuatu yang mendatang untungan
akan begitu dia tiada cara menempuh semuanya
dia terus cari benda yang pasti
lalu dicalit nukilan ini.

➡ andai waktu kecil, hatinya murni membantu orang, tatkala besar dilihat dunia suka menggunakannya, masihkah hatinya murni lagi?

Begin Again, Miss D.

Assalamualaikum, basically 2015 is a major shut down, where A LOT of things happened and i'm not sure how to tell each of 'em and i'm pretty sure i won't tell it here haha. No post in 2015 and now let's begin with 2016. i'm attracted with my senior's post on her blog, which i really adore her bcs of her perfection in English. and not to mention, her wise words. so here's a reblog from one of her post.

from Miss D,

Begin again
May God bless us all :)
Here I am once again, still having so many things to say with absolutely nowhere to express - not entirely anyway. Too afraid. Of what?

On Twitter, FB, Instagram.. I'm constantly stopping myself from being 100% me. I'm too afraid of being judged and honestly? I have no idea why I worry so much. I hate it and it consumes me.

I've grown to be an even more self-conscious person and am highly critical of myself. Some days when I do realise just how hard I've been on myself because no one else is really *there* for me.. I swear it hits my like a bullet and it makes me even more sad.

I do love myself and I really want to. Or at least I'd like to. The idea of reliance / dependence on another human being in the form of creating a bf /gf relationship has vanished or even better yet, has never existed on my list of things that burdens my conscience. I don't know.. What more with the romanticised images and stories online that I come across almost every freaking day. I do believe in true love & fairy tales (damn you, Disney) but I believe you should be whole as yourself, your own being - without having to be defined by another. You need to be 'complete' and in touch with *you*. I'd say I've grown skeptical (or realistic?)

Yes, having relationships will soon be a need especially when you reach an age where you will be pressured to start searching anyway. And of course as a basic human need (ref: Maslow's hierarchy of needs) but honestly? Don't be hanging on to one person till you'd think you'd 'die' without them. Like you can't survive another day if they're gone. As awfully romantic and corny as it seems (and how I probably was before), you have just got to suck it up & move on. Skeptical as ever as I seem now (haha) also because I've seen it in my friends' relationships - it can be potentially dangerous. Emotional blackmail & toxic relationships ensue, sprouting from intense co-dependency. I literally want to grab these people by their shoulders and scream 'wake the fuck up!' because they're too blinded by love to realise.

Anyway, HOW DID I GET HERE. I was just talking about how I'm too self conscious. Ugh. Let's just summarise what I was trying to post in the beginning: overthink --> sad --> spiral of self-hatred. End.


And boy, would I love for that to stop. Slowly, I hope so. Anyway, one should be comfortable enough to be by themselves - you've got to learn to love your own company :)

Did I go off topic real quick or what huh? haha. (Hint: this is a preview of how I will write and probably how I speak to others in real life) Maybe I shall open up this thing where people can suggest what I should write about in the future :)


Love,
D.

will update more soon, have a nice day everyone :)  .fad

Trial SPM

Assalamualaikum.
Makin berhabuk blog ni, penuh sarang labah labah. krik krik. okay.
Lamanya tak bukak blog, hm, semangat nak blogging tu dah tak macam dulu. Tapi minat dia ada hehe. No idea what to write. Well by the way, i'm sitting for trial SPM now, and biology paper will be on 8th of September then MERDEKA! (for awhile). Nah, takde makna nak merdeka de, habis trial je kena fokus untuk SPM pula.

Sekolah aku memang hmm entahlah tak tahu nak cakap macam mana. Hari Anugerah buat seminggu sebelum Trial SPM then hari sukan buat hari sabtu. Lepas sabtu, ahad kan? Besok tu trial dah. Hahaha memang masa nak revise apa semua tak ada beb, semua last minute. Last minute dah gelabah tak baca semua hm. So how was the paper? heh aku tanya diri sendiri, so akulah jawab, eh mestilah, ahaha ok. So far, semua paper aku tak confident haha. Sebab kan dah cakap tak study kan? Haa rasakan. Now ada cuti for about 3 days, next paper will be on 2nd of September.

Oh aah, 31 Ogos ni sambutan kemerdekaan yang ke? Ke-57. Nak borak patriotik belum ada mood lagi so nanti nanti lah haha. Oh and untuk yang tengah hadapi Trial SPM sekarang, do your best! Result PLKN pun dah keluar, so aku tak dapat pun. Tapi nak kata bingai tak juga, aku mohon PLKN. Tak pasal pasal dah kena bingai dengan kawan ahahaha. Nanti aku buat satu entri pasal PLKN, if rajin ah, will tell you about the reasons why aku apply PLKN.

The major problem. Haha. Okay bye, will update soon, InsyaAllah.

Coretan Kucalit

Assalamualaikum.

Sewaktu aku tulis coretan ini, niat dalam hati ingin guna bahasa yang agak baku (hanyalah niat).

Rasanya ini catatan pertama aku taip untuk tahun 2014 yang serba 'indah' ni. Maklum jelah, tahun sibuk lah katakan. Tahun SPM. Perlu tabah, kental, kuat dan berani untuk berdiri sendiri sepanjang tahun yang penuh dengan lautan bisa angkara orang menjirus tuba, yelah orang dengki kita tak tahu kan? Lainlah kita ataupun engkau ada deria keenam yang boleh baca fikiran orang. Ibaratkan seekor ikan, merenangi samudera semata-mata mencari jalan bahagia, tetapi suatu ketika, ada insan yang mengganggu perjalanannya. Apa yang menjadi penghalangnya? Umpan. Apa kaitannya dengan deria keenam yang boleh baca fikiran orang? Kalaulah ikan tu dapat tahu yang akan ada bala yang mendatang, dia mesti takkan ikut jalan yang dia telah lalui, betul? Samalah dengan kita. Kita kena ingat, bila bila sahaja kita boleh kecundang dek kerana leka dengan wawasan atau khayalan optimistik sesuatu agenda. Kadang-kadang menjadi pesimistik itu ada baiknya, jadi kita akan lebih berhati-hati. Kalau setakat engkau duduk berpeluk tubuh, melayari bahtera mimpi kau tu, minta maaflah cakap, tapi kalau macam tu perangai, tsunami yang datang untuk meranapkan armada kemegahan kau tu. Mengapa emosi? Apa yang aku nak borak ni pasal konspirasi. Tapi bukanlah ada kaitan dengan politik memandangkan aku ni hanyalah seorang insan yang masih bawah 18 tahun yang belum matang dan kerdil di Bumi ini.

Tak guna kalau kita berusaha, berhempas pulas, mengerah keringat dalam masa yang lama, tapi akhirnya, dek kerana sikap insan yang dangkal fikiran dengan berkonspirasi, semuanya hancur. Kadang-kadang aku pelik, kenapa masih ada insan yang berfirkiran kolot yang sudah matang, tapi tak mampu fikirkan kesan masa panjang apabila dia lakukan sesuatu yang, bodoh. Kenapa? Bukanlah aku ni tak boleh nak jadi positif, masalahnya benda yang dah terang lagikan bersuluh, mengapa masih perlu mencari arang semasa kelam? Kebiasaannya, konspirasi berlaku ketika pertandingan-pertandingan juga. 

Dinda, kanda jual, mohon dibeli ya.

Menyemat ihsan dara bertamu

Punah kasih kurang mapan

Darjatnya insan kerana ilmu

Mengapa masih memberi suapan?

Ku kira ini jawabnya;

Gigih bersarang pohon di padang

Lalu terjeda terdengar rebana

Integriti kurang untung dipandang

Ilmu di dada tiada berguna

Eh engkau tahu tak, andailah untung kau pandang, atau dalam kata lain, kau pandang manfaat untuk diri kau je, kau dikira membunuh bakat orang yang perlu menyinar. Dek kerana puputan haloba kau tu, sinar yang sudah digilap yang sudah menyinar pun, jadi malap, kelam. Gara gara? Fikiran cetek engkau tu. Mungkin untung kau dapat dekat sini, tapi di Sana nanti, sendiri tanggung. Tiada siapa sanggup tolong kau dah.

Bukan tak hormat, cuma perkara-perkara sebegini mana boleh kita pandang enteng! Sampai bila kita nak biarkan sandiwara durjana ini berleluasa di Bumi yang asalnya aman ini? Kita semua sedia maklum, kita ada hak bersuara, betul? Tapi kenapa masih berpeluk tubuh? Sebab kurang keyakinan diri, sebab tiada siapa yang menyokong? Kenapa engkau nak harapkan sokongan orang je? Kalau kau yakin apa kau buat tu betul, then go on! jadi teruskan! Janganlah takut. Kalau tak sampai bila pertiwi yang kononnya kita cintai ini nak maju berkembang dengan lancar dan bersih? Apa guna kita lafaz "kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara" kalau kepercayaan dekat diri sendiri pun tiada? Kenapa kita senang nak percaya orang lain, tapi dengan kebolehan diri sendiri kita tak pernah percaya? Sebab kita 'manja'! Faham? Sebab kita selalu sahaja ingin 'disuap', selalu ingin benda tu datang sendiri bergolek dekat kita. Kalau macam ini perangai kita, diri sendiri pun susah nak maju. Kalau asyik rendah rendahkan diri je, bila diri awak tu nak berjaya? Boleh merendah diri, tapi beragaklah sikit.

Usahlah berduka, teman
semuanya sudah berlalu
setiap usaha itu
ada bayarannya
setiap bendera putih yang diterima
ada bendera curahan pelangi yang akan dikibar
kecundang di gelanggang ini
memberikan satu pengajaran buat kita
pengajaran yang orang lain tak dapat
kenangan yang dibina
akan kusemat
untuk menjadi sumber
kepada senyuman bermakna
sewaktu di persada kejayaan
suatu hari nanti
tiadakan terhapus memori ini
yang tercipta tanpa disedari
cerialah hadapi
hari hari yang penuh
dengan pancaroba
yang akan mendatang
teguh dan tabah itu perlu
sebagai perisai hidup
terima kasih

Kesian kepada beliau, keringat yang mengalir, masa yang dikorban, habis ranap begitu sahaja. Harapannya tinggi, namun dikecewakan. Berkecai rasanya. Tetapi senyuman masih diukir cermat supaya hati ini tidak akan gundah dan gelisah. Ilmunya melaut luasnya, dicurahkan setitis demi setitis sehingga terbentuk menjadi sebuah tasik yang jernih dan indah. Namun, kami menjadi inspirasi buatnya. Itu katanya.

 

Maaf andai ada terkasar bahasa sepanjang coretan ini dibaca.

Hanyalah mainan emosi semua ini.

Sekian sahaja persinggahanku di sini. 

Akan kembali lagi.

Okbye.

So Long, Yeah.

Assalamualaikum.
My last post was on July 2013. Wow so long. Anyway i'm currently facing my final year exam and just few papers more until it ends. Too busy with so many things till we don't realize that 2014 is just around the corner. About two months more and we'll meet 2014. This is so unbelievable. But it's good too, so next year i'll never be in the same class with the most fake guy who always wearing his mask all the time. I just hate fake people, even i'm a fake person but i know when i should stop being fake. Nah it's like you can be fake sometimes just to save yourself or play safe or trying to make someone's nose clean. But, not ALL the time. 

This is... err.. a post. A post that i found at azwan's wordpress. I like to read some posts on his wordpress but lately he stops posting and idk why;

Friends.
We’ve made a lot of friends over the years,
lost many,
had many,
made some real friends,
had some fake ones,
and lost some friends
These are usually the friends that hurt the most, but you just don’t realize it.
You stop talking,
stop hanging out,
someone moves,
someone goes to a different school,
you both make new friends,
but you never stop to think until later,
your new friends replaced the old ones.

Sounds wise isn't it? Nah it's absolutely wise. So think about it.

Anyway I guess a month ago I took part in Program Pembinaan Bakat Tunas Remaja Peringkat Kebangsaan 2013 which had been held at Golden Straits Villas, Port Dickson. It was kinda boring at first because i'm the most demure and taciturn entrant there. Hahaha it was really funny how my apartment mates make jokes of me, then we laugh and laugh and laugh without we realize it's 3 am already and we can't sleep and that was the last night we were there and and on that night i started to show my own temperament. Lol.  It's nice to have some friends from different country such as Sabah and Pahang and Selangor :) but actually i hope i'll go for the next round which is called as Minggu Penulis Remaja even i haven't finish my cerpen on that time lol.

till we meet again, bye.

People Are Just People

She speak her mind,
yet she’s not a bitch.
But you call her that.

She have friends that are guys,
yet she’s not a slut.
But you call her that.

He like to eat,
yet he’s not a fat.
But you call him that.

He mess up at times,
yet he’s not an idiot.
But you call him that.

I’m myself,
yet I’m not a loser.
But you call me that.

I put labels on people. Sometimes, without realizing it. I even put labels on myself. I’m constantly looking in the mirror and thinking “Wow, I look like such an loser” or “Wow, people must think I’m blah, blah, blah.” and it’s not healthy.

I wish I could say “I never judge anyone ever because people are just people” but I’d be lying, I judge people. I judge myself. I judge a lot of things! But, I think everyone at some point does.

Now, the second reason I wrote this is because I’m sick of being judged. Like I just said, everyone gets judged and everyone judges It can be possitively or negatively, but it happens to everyone. But, I guess I feel like I’m judged more than the average person. I’m what most define as “weird” or “creepy” or “depressing” and it’s not like I like being called that! I accept it, and most people get that confused with me embracing it. Well, I don’t.

So, after writing this, I thought a lot about people. I’m not racist or sexist or anything like that but I wondered why I judged anyone, even myself. Because, when you think about it, people are just people. For the most part, we all think about the same stuff and breathe the same air.

So from now on, I’m going to work on that. I’m going to try harder to just think of us all being the same and get over myself.

It has been a long time since I didn't update my blog. Well, sometimes I feel lazy to update nor upgrade my blog. Haha, anyway, it's not too late to wish; HAPPY RAMADHAN AL MUBARAK MUSLIMS!

Credits

What I've Learnt

1. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
2. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
3. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
4. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
5. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
6. I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
7. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
8. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
9. I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
10. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
11. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
12. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
13. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
14. I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
15. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
16. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
17. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
18. I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
19. I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
20. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
21. I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.
22. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
23. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
24. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
25. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
26. I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.
27. I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
28. I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
29. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
30. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
31. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
32. I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
33. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
34. I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
35. I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
36. I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.
37. I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
38. I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.
39. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
40. I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
41. I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
42. I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.
43. I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
44. I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
45. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
46. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
47. I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
48. I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
49. I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
50. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
51. I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.
52. I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Credits

Finally, i'm back.

Assalamualaikum and Hey. Fuhh, after around 4 months, finally i'm back here! With new skin of course. So what to say what to say. So far, life was OK. Not really good, not really bad. And yah, i'm happy with my class even i can't accept 4 Iskandar at first. But now, it's different.

I'm currently facing the mid year examination. And have done 6 subjects so far, and just now Chemistry paper 1. I like learning chemistry but the thing is, my mind was blank when answering that paper. Only that paper. The other papers were okay and will be okay, insya Allah. I was about to "tiru" just now but, nah, I want to see my own ability, even though I didn't study for Chemistry :P

Monday, i'll be having Chemistry paper 2 and Mathematics. Well again, CHEMISTRY. I don't have chemistry with chemistry, it doesn't want to work out with me. Lol funny. Enough, enough with Chemistry. I don't know what to say now because it has been a long time ago since I updated my blog.

Just now Amir called me, he invited for the his sister's wedding tomorrow at SHAMS. But, i don't think I can go for that. He forced me to go, he wants to meet me. But, i just don't have time, i guess. Argh enough, let's talk about other random things.

Oh btw, it took around 3 hours to done and edit back this skin. When look at my blog back, i don't know what did I do. I just add some widgets and scroll bar, mouse, pages. Procrastinating always lead to disappointment. I should study just now, but i've wasted my time by editing this blog. Screw you blog.... and twitter.

I'll update soon, and I still remember that Ainatul did asked for 4 Iskandar's photos. Urmm, maybe after exam i'll update the pictures okay :) Oh btw, my whatsapp was corrupt just now. And all the convesations gone just like that. Argh so frustrating day. Kbye.

And it’s a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again and
You know it’s all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you’re getting sick of it
But I believe in whatever you do
And I’ll do anything to see it through

First Post for 2013.

Assalamualaikum. Heya. As you see the title, this is my first post for 2013. and i know it's too late, but anyway happy new year guys! So, there are a lot of stories that i wanna tell but yet, i don't know where to start so yeah, i'm not going to share them here. 

So far, school is great. Yeah, now i know really how my seniors feel when we need to face all the unprecedented stress regarding high school lol. Upper form life is sucks. You wanna know why? With all the homework, friends and subjects. Garh. I'm starting to feel tired with all this shit. But sokay, it is too early to feel tired. 

As you can see, i'm trying to write this entry in English, because i'm trying to improve my English. Okay, so now, hm. Oh ya, about the giveaway thingy that i've joined before, i have no luck for that. Nevermind, maybe my luck will come soon. Okay, becomes an upper former student is totally not as what i expected before. I really thought it will be the same as lower form. Frankly, i'm wrong. 

So this year i suppose to take 10 subjects, but i'm too late to apply for the Account subject. So, i'm taking pure science course with 9 subjects terrace. There are; Bahasa Melayu, English, History, Pendidikan Agama Islam, Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Additional Mathematics. And of course i've already got my text books. Damn. I received 25 text books. Crazy isn't it? Lol.

So in Form 4, i'm learning Additional Mathematics which is a really picky subject. But luckily i have sporting and clever classmates (y) and yet, i have to end this entry because need to do tons of homeworks. Kbye.

The Great Holiday Giveaway by Izyan Nazirah and Scha Feeqah

lamanya tak join giveaway
— 13 Mac ツ (@MuhdFadlin) December 24, 2012

Assalamualaikum semua hai yang di sana di sini di situ. Nampak atas tu? haha yerp! Memang dah lama gila tak join giveaway and contest mana mana. Nyeh. Maka harini, merupakan hari bersejarah sebab saya join giveaway balik. Haha rasanya last join tahun 2011. Jadi bertuahlah Izyan dan Scha sebab saya join giveaway dorang :p

Untuk sesiapa yang ingin memeriahkan lagi giveaway dorang ni, sila klik banner di atas ni ye :) Tak rugi korang join sebab hadiah serious banyak gila (y) Masih sempat lagi join sebab tarikh tutup 31 Disember 2012.

Syarat-syarat penyertaan:

1. Follow blog Izyan dan Scha.
2. Buat entry pasal giveaway ini dan hantarkan LINK ENTRI korang dekat SALAH SATU sama ada blog Izyan atau blog Scha.
3. Wajib klik link yang dinyatakan.
4. Wajib click/follow/like iklan-iklan sponsor.
5. Warganegara Malaysia sahaja yang boleh menyertai tanpa kira umur, agama dan bangsa k.
6. Tag 2 orang blogger.

Cara pemilihan pemenang adalah berdasarkan:

• top referral
• random.org 

Tag:

• Farahin
• Najwa

Haa dah macam saya pulak yang buat giveaway ni kan lol. Takpe harap harap buat entri ni berbaloi lah kan. Yang lain meh lah join, daripada tak berhupdate berhabuk blog tu, baik join giveaway ni haa. Jomlah! Kbye.